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Last updated at 15:36 BST, Tuesday, 30 April 2013

To cook the books

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Neil is cooking an unusual meal in the BBC Learning English kitchen. Why has he put books into the saucepan? Find out more by listening to this programme.

A saucepan with books in it

Why is Neil cooking books?

The script for this programme

Neil: Hello and welcome to the BBC Learning English kitchen with me, Neil, and my assistant, Feifei.

Feifei: Yes, welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English. I am very excited today because Neil has asked me to be his assistant in the BBC Learning English kitchen.

Neil: That's right. I've started boiling the water in the saucepan and now I'll prepare the ingredients.

Feifei: Oh, I'm so excited! I wonder what Neil's going to cook. So what are the ingredients?

Neil: There we go.

Feifei: Neil, I think you are emptying your bag from the library rather than the supermarket!

Neil: No Feifei, this is right. I'm going to cook the books.

Feifei: Cook the books?! Are you crazy?!

Neil: Yes, Feifei. I might look happy and full of joy but there's something terrible I have to admit.

Feifei: Oh no. What's that?

Neil: Well... I have serious financial problems. I'm millions of pounds in debt.

Feifei: Oh no! How will cooking the books help?

Neil: It's an expression in English. If you 'cook the books', you change the numbers in a company's financial records so you can take some of the money for yourself illegally.

Feifei: Neil! That's not like you. Let's hear some more examples of that phrase being used.

  • A: Did you hear Dave the accountant got fired for stealing from the company?!
  • B: Yeah, he'd been cooking the books for years.

  • A: The chief executive of that bank got sent to jail for cooking the books.
  • B: Well I think he deserves it. Fraud is a serious crime.

Feifei: Hmm, so are you cooking the books so you can pay off your debts?

Neil: Yes, it's the only thing I can think of. I'm desperate!

Feifei: I don't think that's a good idea, Neil. Fraud is a serious crime. Oh, but hang on. What's that floating on the top?

Neil: Oh it's just a lottery ticket. I use them as bookmarks.

Feifei: Let me check the lottery numbers on my smartphone.

Neil: What's the point? I never win.

Feifei: Actually Neil, you've won!

Neil: I've won? I'm a millionaire! My problems are over! Let's celebrate! Let's have a meal! Here - this one I've just cooked.

Feifei: Neil didn't cook the books in vain. Mmm - these books are actually delicious!

Neil: Not bad, are they?!

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