Pep denies any knowledge of tackles: 10 Tweets that sum up the weekend's football fixtures

1.A Mark of true class

“Bit central for Clattenburg, perhaps, but you’d fancy him to test Karius from there on current form, Trevor.”

2. Pep goes in studs showing

Grit, determination and all the other ingredients that make the thick cement of English football - they mean absolutely nothing to this man unless there’s a five-yard pass in the middle of it somewhere. Chin up Pep, you’ll prove them all wrong eventually.

3.Bye Bye Bamba

140 characters aren’t always enough to convey certain situations, but full credit to Ipswich’s social media department for the cool-headed, matter-of-fact account of Cardiff’s Sol Bamba accepting his red card as just one of those things, without using the “face with tears of joy” emoji even once.

4. Away days

"You're going home in a rail replacement bus service, you're going home in a rail replacement bus service..."

5. Overthought Chants of the Week, Pt.1

There's an existential crisis in seven words.

6. Making Emile of it

What does Emile Heskey miss about playing football? The day-to-day buzz? The thrill of match day? The sound of ball thundering against taut netting? Those little designer washbags?

Nope.

Don’t we all, mate. Don’t. We. All.

7. In the Nick of time

As if to prove this own goal against Forest’s great friends Derby County was no fluke, Bendtner also managed to put one on to his own crossbar in the same game. His personal brand remains strong.

8. Overthought Chants of the Week, Pt.2

Post-industrial socio-economic banter, the most crushing banter of all.

9. Dele counter

Actually, thinking about it, Dele Alli’s grandkids will probably have Wikipedia plugged into their brains by the time this conversation becomes a viable proposition.

10.Please proceed to commercial oblivion immediately

“Lads, just one thing before the warm-up. Look, this is awkward, but it’s come from the sponsors and, oh God, right, basically what it is, right - there’s going to be a desk and…”