For sale: Wedding dress
Never worn
Stories of 10 dresses that never made it to the big day
If you asked Phil what the strangest thing he owns is, without hesitation his answer would be: a Cinderella wedding dress. A blue Disney Glass Slipper dress, to be exact.
“It’s not one of the norm things to own,” he says. “You know, you own a large-screen TV, or whatever. Most men don’t own a wedding dress.”
Phil bought the dress for a girlfriend as a surprise a few years into their relationship.
At the time, her mother was getting married, so mother and daughter went wedding dress shopping.
“When they came home, they were having the usual girlie chat,” says Phil. They started to discuss this Disney wedding dress my girlfriend had fallen in love with. She was a massive Disney fanatic.”
This was about four years ago. Phil says that for a few weeks every year, Disney releases a small selection of wedding dresses.
“So then I kind of twigged that I did see my future with this person, so I decided to look for myself.”
He went to the bridal boutique that he knew his girlfriend and mother had previously visited.
I’d kind of been indoctrinated with her love of Disney. So, quite shameful to say, I knew which princesses wore which dresses. As soon as I walked in I saw the Glass Slipper blue dress, I knew it was going to be that one.”
“It was almost a look of awe. For a while I just stopped and stared. And there was never a debate over whether I wanted to buy the dress,” says Phil.
“There was a very high level of emotion – nerves, and thinking that one day this would be the wedding dress, and I knew what it would mean to her.
“Maybe it was a bit of fear of what just buying the dress would potentially symbolise. Or, maybe it was just fear of me being completely stupid, and doing the wrong thing.
“I spoke to the lady behind the counter, and I said, ‘Just out of interest, can I buy that dress?’ I got the stereotypical funny looks off the three girls behind. But then they said, ‘You’re the partner of the girl that came in with her mum the other day’.”
Phil was asked what he would do if he bought the dress, which cost just under £1,600, and his partner turned him down.
“If I ask her to marry me, she will not say no,” he replied.
Kelly and Natalie got engaged last October and agreed a dress budget of £500 each.
Things didn't quite go to plan, and the couple ended up with seven wedding dresses between them.
Dress number one was bought by Natalie, who took her mother, grandmother, sisters and aunt with her to the bridal boutique.
I got a phone call after half an hour of Natalie being in the shop, and she had actually found the dress that she wanted. But it had basically smashed her £500 budget out of the water.”
The dress was backless, lacy and sleeveless with a very long lace train.
“It's very beautiful. I loved it, I absolutely loved it,” says Natalie.
But Kelly’s experience was not to be quite so straightforward.
The idea of going to a wedding shop made her feel uncomfortable. “That’s more for younger brides,” says the 46-year-old. Her fiance is 10 years younger.
Kelly researched a number of online options, settling on one site that offered quality dresses at a good price. But although the site advertised itself as being based in the UK, the dresses actually came from China.
“I was determined to stick to my £500 budget,” says Kelly. But she also decided to be “clever” and buy several dresses in different designs and styles, giving her more choice. She had the dresses customised – adding mid-length sleeves because she didn’t want to show her arms - so she knew she wouldn't get a refund on the ones she didn't want.
Like Kelly, she initially thought she would like a backless dress. The pair have tattoos on their backs – words that read: “What's meant for you won't pass you by”.
It was something that Kelly used to say to Natalie a lot when they first met.
“When she rung me up and said I've ordered four dresses, I was like 'Right – OK,' says Natalie. “And when she said I've ordered them in a size 10, I thought “What if they don't fit?”
Kelly has had breast cancer and now suffers from fibromyalgia, a condition that causes pain all over the body.
Because of recent changes in her medication, she says she has gone up a few dress sizes. This combined with the fact that dresses from China come up small, meant that when they arrived the dresses were tiny.
“When the dresses arrived, they were actually really lovely. The problem was I'm not a size 10. I'm feeling all cocky being within budget - but I couldn't get them on,” she says.
Her next purchase was a designer dress bought from a different website – this time in a size 12.
“It was beautiful, but I couldn't get it on,” says Kelly. But she was determined to slim into it.
“Although she laughed about it, it made me feel really sad she couldn't actually get the dress on,” says Natalie. “I'm the size that she was a year ago before the medication, and I think that's really hard for her.”
Kelly says that going up from a size 10 because of the medication got her a bit “down in the dumps.”
When you can't get a dress on, it's a bit soul destroying, but if you weigh up whether I want to be pain-free on my wedding day - well I want to enjoy that day.”
“After a couple of months, I wasn’t getting anywhere close to fitting into it. So one day I said to Natalie, 'Look would you mind trying it on?'”
If Natalie could fit into it, Kelly knew the chances of her being able to get into it before the wedding were nil.
“She looked beautiful in this dress,” says Kelly. “It literally fits her like it was made for her.”
“I could see by Kelly's face that she was, 'Wow you look amazing in that dress – that's your dress,' says Natalie. “And I was like, ‘Oh I love it,’ and it fitted me like a glove.”
“The dress I initially bought myself was backless, no sleeves and had a long, lacy train. The dress I am now going to wear has long sleeves, it’s tight-fitting - completely different.”
“It's meant to be my dress, so I think it's lovely that Kelly picked it.”
Enter dress number seven.
After months of avoiding bridal boutiques, Kelly gave in.
But most of the samples were small – size 12 and under. There were only two dresses she could try on.
She opted for the second, and it’s nothing like the initial ones she ordered.
What about the idea of two women getting married – is it harder to navigate, getting the dresses to match or complement each other?
“I think that bothered Kelly more than it bothered me,” says Natalie. “Mine is a mermaid style, tight-fitting. Kelly's is like a princess dress – if you imagine Cinderella, with a puffy skirt. When we stand next to each other in our dresses, we look perfect.”
Save-the-date fridge magnets were distributed to friends and family.
But the proper invites were put on the back burner as work and looking after children took priority.
“I work, and my partner works 12-hour shifts, seven days a week," says Jessica.
At the time, their youngest daughter was in and out of hospital with allergies and a chronic digestive disease.
Jessica’s own health wasn't good. Her chronic fatigue syndrome returned, and she was feeling drained.
I didn’t have energy for anything other than to function as a mother and an employee. I didn’t want to sit up late to choose flowers or make sure I had all the invitations to all the right people.”
Holly started school, and this became a focus, too.
“She needed me to be there for reading, and to tell me about school,” she says.
“We decided this wasn’t going to happen – it was four months before the wedding and it was too much stress. It was much more important to say, ‘Right we have £50 spare at the end of the month, after we’ve paid all the bills. Do we put that towards a photo booth [for the wedding], or do we put that towards a new pair of school shoes for Holly?’
"It would always come down to the children.
“When the guilt started kicking in, that's when we decided enough is enough, I can't scrimp and scrape and save anymore.
"I had seen the magnets on people's fridges - my mother-in-law's house, my mum's house. Pride of place. I wrote a letter apologising and explaining.
"I was embarrassed, but I'd grown a lot in the time and realised my family was my priority, not the wedding and not the expectation or judgement of others.
Jessica says they have lost £5,000 by cancelling the wedding – but if they had continued, they would have paid four times that amount.
“I think I may get married abroad, so I will buy a dress that suits. Or I will have a small wedding with close friends and family. And I want something simple – a dress that is much more understated.
“It was a hard decision to sell it – it's been hanging up in my bedroom for a year – it's become a bit of an ornament in my bedroom, like a bit of furniture.”
All Sunny wanted was a simple wedding.
She met her partner at a mutual friend’s wedding, where they quickly discovered they shared something in common. Their mothers had been best friends when they were younger, and had been bridesmaids at each other’s weddings.
“We didn't really know each other, we just knew of each other,” says Sunny. “But it was fairly instant because in a short space of time we planned to get married.” This was to be her second marriage.
“I bought the dress about two months before the wedding, I wanted something fitted, slim-line - I wanted simplicity. I'd looked through magazines and some of the dresses were too big – I didn't want that amount of attention at our wedding.”
Sunny took her mother shopping with her, and says she picked her dress quickly – partly to please her mother.
I just wanted a simple affair, but coming from a South Asian background, I had already had to fight a little because I didn’t want a South Asian wedding.”
“They are huge, with some 500 people plus attending – sometimes a big, red dress and lots of gold jewellery. That’s not the person I am. I had to say, I don’t care if my family are South Asian and his family are South Asian – it’s not an opportunity to have a Bollywood bash.”
The dress had lace detail, was sleeveless, backless and had a corset. For Sunny, it was too fussy. But when her mother looked at her and told her she looked beautiful, “That was that,” she says.
“I was still trying to meet some standards - what I thought a wedding should look like in [my relatives] eyes.”
“It was the first dress I tried on and I just knew straight away that it was the one I wanted – it was just ‘the dress’,” says J.
“But that’s gone now and now it’s just hanging up in my wardrobe.”
S was planning what she describes as a classic, very traditional wedding.
“That’s what my life was and what it was going to be,” she says.
She and her fiance planned a wedding in a castle.
“We fell in love with each other really quickly. It was a whirlwind, I literally felt like he came along and just swept me off my feet,” she says.
It was amazing, we couldn’t be more right for each other. And everyone could see it.”
With the traditional wedding, came a traditional dress. “It’s very princessey, fitted at the top, a dropped waist, sweetheart neckline, beading and embroidery.”
It came with a hefty price tag - £1250.
The couple had been together for two years before he proposed.
They had spent long periods apart because of his job, and she says writing letters discussing their future together had helped with the separation.
“We were really strong together. I never thought that anything would come between us, and neither did he.
“In May last year, I went shopping for my dress and started planning everything. And then it got to December. For him, he was getting really stressed at work. Then one night he was out. He had a one-night-stand.”
In the lead-up to Christmas, he admitted that he didn't want to get married.
“I didn’t see it coming at all, it was a complete shock. I was watching my whole life change in front of me, and I had no control,” she says. “Everything was planned up until that day. And then my whole world just crumbled in front of me, completely.
“All I had were the things from my wedding - everything that I had planned, my dress…”
S thinks her ex-partner “panicked” at the prospect of the wedding, but didn’t talk to her about it.
“Because of the sort of person that I am, I would have said it’s fine, we’ll just say to everyone, we’re sorry, but we’re going abroad and that’s it.”
The dress remained in her wardrobe – until the day she would have been walking down the aisle in it. She marked the day by putting it on an online site for sale.
It’s almost been like I’ve been waiting for that date, to be able to get rid of everything from it. Not that there was any hope there, or anything like that - it was just like get to that day, and then move on.”
“I would love for someone to find the dress and say ‘This is it’ and have the amazing day that this dress would make someone have. I really think that it would. It’s a beautiful dress, and I wish that I could have worn it, and had my wedding day, but that’s just not happened.”
For S, the princess wedding dream is over.
“It will feel very empowering to sell the dress. It’s not the person that I am any more. I would probably choose something that I could wear on a beach. I would want to get married on a beach, with no shoes on, bare feet. Just relaxed… no pressure of looking like a princess, or trying to meet everyone’s expectations of who you should be.”
“It’s out with the old, in with the new life. I’ve decided to go travelling in October. I’m going to go with whatever takes me - and just experience the world.”
Elizabeth says she will “be over the moon” to sell the dress she bought for her wedding - but never wore.
The 43-year-old suffers from bipolar disorder, and bought the dress at a time when making decisions was difficult.
“The longer it went on, the more I thought about the dress, I didn’t want the decision that I made because of my illness to overshadow the whole thing, because I couldn’t go out and buy a dress properly,” she says.
Elizabeth, who has two daughters from a previous relationship, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 10 years ago. She met Matthew seven years ago. Last year, they were planning their wedding.
“I suffer with extreme bouts of depression, which come along with severe anxiety,” says Elizabeth.
“Decisions for me are really difficult, and decisions when planning a wedding are all over the place. There’s a constant voice in the back of my head saying, ‘Is this the right dress? Are you sure this is the way you want to do it? Is this going to look great? Is everyone going to be happy? Will people think you look silly? Will that be daft?’”
She was also dreading being the centre of attention.
I’m normally the one that sneaks in the back and hides in the shadows and nobody sees.”
“Just deciding what I’m going to have for my breakfast in the morning is something that takes far too long," she says.
"So, picking a dress that I would look at for the rest of my life was just overwhelming. I just wanted to get in there, get a dress and get out. It was the best one of the bunch that I tried on, and my exact words were, ‘Does it look alright? That will do’.”
“The dress has a lace top, a Queen Anne neckline with a keyhole back and beading at the top. It’s chiffon with a slight train. It is beautiful, just not for me.”
“Before I’d even picked it up and paid the rest of my money, I knew it wasn’t the right dress. Changing my mind wasn’t something that I could do.”
The sample designer dress cost £700.
A few months before the wedding last November, Elizabeth’s 17-year-old daughter “dragged her” to a bridal boutique because she knew how upset her mother was over the dress.
“I was so determined that this one was going to be special. I knew that the thought of wearing the other dress was worse than having to stand there and make a decision.”
The dress she chose looked “fabulous” on her.
“I smiled when I put it on, I actually beamed. The idea was to sell my dress to take a big chunk of the cost off the new one. Then my daughter, bless her little heart, was so determined that I would have the dress that I wanted that she paid the difference.”
And what about the day itself?
“I surprised myself with how much I coped with it, and actually enjoyed it. It wasn’t as horrific as I was thinking it was going to be.”
To actually stand there and look in the mirror, with my hair done, with my make-up done, with my bridesmaids all dressed up. I looked at myself in the dress, and I felt fabulous. And that’s about the first time that I’ve felt that good about myself in a very, very, long time.”
